Transcendental Meditation - Is There Something You Say to Get Off the Phone So You Can Buy Time and a Clean Exit?
Summary:
“i’ve learned to know myself, probably through the netation, journaling,” says Julia cameron. “A lot of success in interpersonal relationships involves understanding your own complicity in how the engagement is going to turn out”, she adds. ‘I can be a total ass whole if i’m not ahead a i’me prepared to have those conversations’…
Transcript:
Speaker 2
perfect sense to me, and i want to, i want to jump back to a few things you mentioned and then ask a follow question. You mentioned meditation and journalling. We don’t have to go into great depths with that, because we spoke about it in our first convers on this podcast. But transcendental meditation and mourning pages, ala julia cameron, are both arrows in your quiver. I want to talk about the the initial response to feed backs. If you have the say up to twelve hours of rage, denial, sadness, whatever it might be, in the moment, if someone delivers that feed back toyou, not in writing, but verbally or on the phone, d are are you responding like the ice skater in the olympics who falls down and just steps back up and has a huge shittting grin on your face, and you sort of play nice until you get off the phone? Is there something you say to get off the phone so you can buy yourself time and a clean exit, so you can rence your emotions
Speaker 1
tatyou rate, that’s a great thing to think about, because what that really is is a great aspiration, right? It’s important to keep that aspiration in mind. Now, i’ve a creative partner, david levine. And so when i think we’re going to have aa a call with somebody who’s going to give us feed back, and i’m concerned that my emotions are too engage, sometimes i will say to david heman, i think you should do most of the talking on this phone call, because i can feel myself amped up. So part of that is taking stock of your look, a lot of success in interpersonal relationships involves understanding your own complicity in how the engagement is going to turn out. So a lot of its growing up is learning to ift the responsibility from the other to the self. That doesn’t mean i’m responsible for my own success. What it means is, instead of saying that dick treated me poorly and it made me feel a certain way, before the interaction, i tried to prepare myself so that i’m going to react in the right way in the moment. Because i’ve learned to know myself, probably through the netation, journaling, also, honestly, through the relationship i have with my wife. We celebrate our twenty ninth anniversary in two days, and she’s also a writer and film maker. And we talk about this stuff all the time, and have and we’re very good at being honest with one another. And so amy will as the bris liked as the brit s, not british, but as the brits say, you know, she’ll pick me up on that stuff and t help teach me a but i can be a total ass whole if i’m not ahead a i’me prepared to have those conversations. I often say, people who listen to my pod cast have they’re listening to the most understanding version of me, the me trying to be that ice skater, where i’m i’m so direct, outwardly directed on on being there to listen to the other person. I’m incredibly patient. I’m fully engaged in their journey. I’ve taken myself out of it. And i try really hard to be that person in all the interactions that i have. But as you know, that hour that you’re doing this, youare able to manifest it. It’s really hard to manifest it end of a long day, when youve failed during the day, ecause we all failed during our days, sometimes when you’ve had to manage four flame ups on set, that happened for a variety of reasons. A a directoryou for me and my life making our show, you know, there could be an issue with a director, a cut. I couldave give notes. Ot a cut. The editor could have done what i wanted. I got to cut back. I made four different mistakes. The cuts taken a step ackwards, not a step forward. And then i have a notes call at seven o’clock at night. And i’ve had a day where i’ve felt like ibeen in the ring with my tison, and someone says the wrong thing, and i could absolutely tell somebody, somebody i respect like a value, i could absolutely in the way that i take their note, make them feel shiddy and ruin night. And i i’ve really worked hard not to do that. But you know what, i will say, one thing i’ve learned is, if i do that, if i if someone gives me feed back, and i think it’s stupid, let’s say, sometingn in tomake, it’s actually a bad note, baue, you known, it’s a note that i know won’t help, and i know why. And it’s something i’ve thought of before, dave and ih’ve gone down that road. And if i do react by saying just a curt no, that’snot going to work, which is, by the way, the worst i’ll be, youno, i never would call someone, i would never actively insult somebody. But as you know, we pick up on on when someone’s condescending. And so let’s say i’m, and this is something i think few of us do, and we should do much more frequently, let’s say i am a little bit of a dick, and i’m like, not that’s not oing to work. No, sorry. Ten minutes later, i’ll talk and pick up phone, and i’ll call and i’ll go listen, i reacted. I know how i reacted, and i know that that probly made you feel sorry that reacted that way. I’ve had a weird day to day, and i’m going to take those notes and think about them, and to morrow i’ll respond. And i’ll i am so willing to own my behavior. And that’s something tht i’ve learned too. Again, i want to be super clear, because to pay myself worse than i am. I’m really close to the guy that i am on the podcast, and i’m a, as i say, we never insult anybody. But i’ve become much more aware that, again, we all have a responsibility if we can to protect the feelings of those thatter acting with. We can be truthful without being aswole. We can be constructive and corrective without making some one else feel worse. And so if, if, if i cana find a way to not a leave somebody that i’ve engaged with feeling worse, i’m going to do it. Sometimes it’s impossible. Davit and i run a writer’s room. Sometimes we have to say no to ten ideas in a row from the same person. Nobody feels good hearing their tenth idea rejected, no matter how much you am, take time to listen to it and make them feel better. So sometimes in all our interactions, we’re going to, no matter what we do, leave other people feeling a little bit worse. (Time 0:17:16)